self-titled: ^_^

last night was sean's party in 819, and it was a good time. general shenanigans abound, i'm left bruised and scraped and there is a full body dent in their kitchen wall from a wrestling match with todd. i don't know why i was asked to join jenny in taking him down, but i complied. i, sadly, had nothing to do with the hole in the wall, that was all from a fierce body check delivered by jenny after the match. i guess the party ended at normal bc party ending time, but it felt much later, especially so i think because we went to the mods afterwards and the mods were uniformly dead. or at least that's my memory of the situation.

today i did nothing. tv, videogames, same old. watched my sunday night fox lineup from 7 to 10, which is more tv than i had watched all october. a few things i took away from that. futurama still makes me laugh, the simpsons still make me laugh, malcolm in the middle still makes me laugh, and king of the hill still keeps me adequately entertained. i'm happy about malcolm, the show has him in high school now, and apart from it being a beautifully awkward portrayel of high school situations, i still enjoy watching frank muniz or whatever his name is. everyone was like "oh he's old and gawky" i think he's still great. the show still seems kind of fresh, too, and i dunno, i'm down.

hmm, there was something i took away from my tv watching that i wanted to discuss. it had to do with commercials i saw... oh yes. the gd adam sandler feature cartoon. i sincerly hope no one i know sees it, and i extend that hope to the entire world. i'm sick of feature cartoons with absolute shit animation design. i'd rather poke my eyes out than sit through 90 minutes looking at the ugly characters and set pieces that that movie will have, not to mention the whole sandler part of the equation.

also, i'm so incredibly bored.

i really need something, and i don't know what it is. i'd love some excuse for drama, i'd LOVE it. i'd also love to do something new, something worthwhile. there are two problems with that, one, i don't know what it is. two, i'm unbelievably lazy. for the past month, i haven't even been able to change the playlist of the music i listen to at home and to sleep. it's the same 40 tracks i pulled together for the yet to be completed brenda 21st cd plus some new ones that have entered the consideration pool minus some i nixed. one, i should put together the cd(s), two, i should just freaking get a new batch of songs for myself to listen to, and ican't even do that.

but laziness aside, pretending i had time, or rather, sacrificed some of ths stuff i do that wastes my time, what would i spend on it? it's like i'm suffocating or something. i'd love a girl to fret about, better yet, i'd love a girl to not fret about. but that's not happening. so i'd love to do something of product. make something, write something, learn something. i tinker with loop and audio programs, but it's a stupid little spark of a hobby and i don't have the time to give to it. i'd love to get a little electronic doodad and make music, but am limited in so many ways on that. the largest being i don't have anything to write, and if i did, i wouldn't know how to write it.

ooh, i got my problem. i have so much to say but i just don't know what it is. it's that same thing that pops its face up every so often "oh i'm so important blah blah blah" because i know i am, except i have no outlet to just explode onto, so instead i just look at that problem and say how it sucks and how i'm so great and blah balh blah. i need an outlet. but to have an outlet i need a means of letting. i need the talent of graham smith to create a ponyoak, i need the audience of a writer to make me feel like its worth it. and unfortunately for the former, it's not a talent you learn i don't think. i've got no hooks, i've got no chords and i've got to skill to make music, and it's not something you find lying on the street.

what i need is a scene. i need to find people. people are out there, people to drink a few beers with and talk about things of joint interest, people to go see cex and stars and eyes with and then fuck around on a laptop with. you see, this isn't stupid "oh i want a girlfriend and someone to share my secrets with" kind of pining, this is just a simple i'd want someone who's even sort of into the things i'm into. this isn't to slag on my few friends at all, but you know, my friends won't talk to me about the yeah yeah yeahs and then go track down and watch eraserhead or some shit. that was andy buchenot. except after that happened we'd talk about final fantasy too.

oh well, whatever. my life sucks and it's only gonna get worse, woohoo.

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Keep up this great resource. I bookmark your site, best greetings ...

Keep up this great resource. I bookmark your site, best greetings ...

Keep up this great resource. I bookmark your site, best greetings ...

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I am honored to drop a line here and say thank you for keeping this great site online.

I am honored to drop a line here and say thank you for keeping this great site online.

I am honored to drop a line here and say thank you for keeping this great site online.

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Gute Webseite! I'll tell my friends about it... )N

Gute Webseite! I'll tell my friends about it... )N

Gute Webseite! I'll tell my friends about it... )N

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