self-titled: ^_^

so i just realized something, if i get up at the right time tomorrow, i have like a billion hours at work. plenty of time to write this stupid law paper. right? RIGHT?

i was walking home after fiction today, and i was just overcome. i just want to withdraw. like seriously, i want out. i want to live in my music for a few months. i dunno what it is really, i just want a break. college tour was a fucking blast, and that was an escape in and of itself. but now i'm back, bostonians politics start up again. i walked into my room, tara left a note on the door 'your room smells bad (not a joke)" and i was just like, hey, i don't want to deal with this. i went to dinner with the roommates, and that quelled the whole withdraw urges, but only for a short while. and don't get me started on the future. if i could withdraw into my four man here, even that'd be fine. i enjoy these guys, we have fun times. i'm just not feeling the across the hall anymore. maybe i'm callous, but i just don't care. they're for the most part all great girls, but going over there is all small talk and no fun. which i guess would be ok for keeping up friendship's sake, but if brenda's there i just get set off, and that's not something i enjoy. it's all just dead weight. across the hall and in the office. i don't care, i just really don't care. and if i get involved, or even let myself become aware of it, i start caring and get pissed off. so i want to hide in my headphones until it's all over or the middle of may when i get the fuck out of here and go down to long island for spring retreat, where non-bostonians and bostonians politics cease to exist. tour fucked me up. it was too good, too much. four days of nonstop fun, our biggest worries being how to get to the next hardwood floor and how we were going to smoke or drink. i was in another dimension where all there was was the group having fun and forgetting everything else.

and i guess i sound like a big pitiful bastard. i don't mean it. i'm making mixes for people if i get the time, reading cool stuff, writing stuff, i'm not miserable in the least. i just want some things to resolve or disappear forever, and it's not happening, thus the whole withdrawal thing.