self-titled: ^_^
it's so easy
well, back home now. the plan was to leave bc at oh, around noon yesterday. brenda and i picked up sean at some past three. sean and i got the scenic tour of marlborough's finer auto-parts stores, and then we ate at a burger king where the employees were having a christmas party.
got brenda safely to her home and then sean and i were on the way proper by like 6 or something. not a bad ride at all, took the thruway so no traffic, i got a cinnabon and some coffee, and we had a sean/peterik talk.
back at home sammy flipped out even more than on thanksgiving. oh, rewind. i dropped sean off at the bridgewater mall and it was open till midnight, so i hung around a bit. basically just sat in EBX drooling over playstation 2 games. then i went to blockbuster: bicycle thief, the color purple, robin hood 1930something, and uhh, 32 short films about glenn gould.
talked on the phone with brenda for forever, and during that course we were, as we are wont to do, talking about things we can't possibly understand for the simple joy of having our brains totally explode. We started talking about the actual brains and memories and blah blah blah, and like, what IS thought? what is memory? we have a portion of the brain devoted to it, but like, what IS it? ahh, it's hurting to think of now. brenda has a nice theory for those times when we try to comprehend something uncomprehendible and it hurts: it's our brain trying to use that 80% that it's not supposed to - the answers are there, we're just not allowed to access them. Anyway, i mention all of this because during this conversation i had some sort of moment, epiphany, whatever. and i will now share it with you.
it basically boils down to this: i was sitting there, fully aware that there is so much we can simply not know. like, SO much that we as a race will never understand. and as i'm thinking this, i'm feeling this incredible strong sensation. and so i'm thinking, what is this? is this me feeling the power and presence of God, or is it me feeling the ultimate despair of uncertainty? and i don't know. and how related are the two? is feeling that despair the reason we feel God? is it an explanation or the answer? all these questions and so much more running through my head, it was amazing. i wish i wrote last night because it's not as clear now. and it's probably the truest and most important thought i've ever had on the subject, because usually i approach theological issues from the standpoint of my complaints with religion: namely, how there exists a plurality of beliefs and how that makes the whole thing a little doubtful. but i was dealing last night strictly with my own feelings. also, i still need to understand faith. that's what i'm missing. i don't get it: believing in something with your entire being that cannot be proven. But can you learn faith?
today i jizzed over ps2 stuff on the internet, and went to the mall, and stole the internet from my parents, and jizzed over ps2 stuff at the mall, and watched the color purple which sucked and watched the bicycle thief which was a lot better, and made spaghetti, and ate nathan's, and eggs, and killed nazis.
rewind now, if you will, to the last time i wrote: monday. after finishing up my papers, i made a tape. tuesday, i went to chestnut hill and the atrium and stuff, then came home, briefly studied for business sytems, and then got coerced into drinking. holy shit, let's not forget the discovery of the century earlier that day. YATTA! I'm in love with this video. it's amazing. way more amazing than tunak tunak. I have so many favorite parts in this, i'd be happy to share them all with you on an individual basis, complete with exact time locations. but paolo yatta who points out and sings while looking directly into your soul is one of the highlights, and kevin bacon yatta, who is simply the coolest man alive is my new obsession. but back to drinking. played some unspectacular games of asshole and kicked it to bed.
wendesday, woke up easily enough for my 9am final, found out i aced the second midterm in the class, which leads me to suspect i did well enough of the final. i came back home, drunk sarah and i tackled our music final, which, well, is turned in at least. and then, then... uhh... somehow ended up at cityside with sarah and brenda, na d then, oh! oh! lord of the rings.
holy fucking shit. lord of the rings.
that's all i'll say on that. then a party at diana's, in which some beirut was played, and then back to edmonds for one last hurrah before break. and then that brings us to the beginning of this entry or so, and i'm off to sleep.
christmas cannot come soon enough. i need to play videogames and stop just reading about them and looking at pictures and movies on the internet.