self-titled: ^_^

my headphones came today, so i was giddy like a school girl all day. it's funny, they really do make a world of difference. It's not great though, since i listen to a cd, and then i listen to one of my shittily encoded at 128 albums and suddenly it's like i've lost a hundred layers of sound. so that's depressing, but for the cds i have and the stuff that's encoded not at 128 it's a lot of fun.

i can't sleep here anymore. i can't get out of bed because it's so unbelievable cold. i seriously fear taking the cover off in the morning. i've been sleeping with a sheet, comforter AND blanket, for christ's sake. I don't know why these idiots who live here insist on setting the thermostat at the coldest setting. i dunno, i thought the one guy was an indian but i guess he could be eskimo.

here's something i find really annoying. my direct roommate always comes in, i'm sitting at my computer, doing some computer thing, and he says "what's up." i hate that. i really really hate that. i always respond with "nothing," or "not much." but it's annoying as hell. just say "hey." "hey" is fine, it requires nothing of the other person but to say "hey" back. I realized this bothered me so much the other day, i was walking down the hallway and some dude passed me and said "whats up." I responded "not much." WHAT? he wasn't actually wondering what was up, nor does my roommate, but i'm compelled to answer in some relevant way, and it's fucking retarded. I felt like such a tool when i said "not much" to that guy passing me in the hallway, but seriosly, where does he get off asking "what's up?" I'm not saying it's bad to use it ever, i see my friends, or i call someone on the phone and i will say "what's up" and i don't even always want an answer. It can be used as just a generic greeting, but not in the situations that my roommate uses it and the guy walking in the hall did. you can only use it as a throwaway with your friends - with people you're comfortable with. and that's all i have to say on that subject.

also, on the way to work, my flip flop broke. i remember when i first noticed it falling apart, it was the wednesday of senior week. I was sitting in B52 with brenda kate and sarah, we were watching tv and eating jello shots and making bizarre drinks as we waiting for the b52 guys to get back from dance of the decades. I noticed a little tear in the little band thingy, and was like "oh look, my flip flop is breaking" and kate was like "oh no, let's go fix it" and she got up and we headed to the flip flop fixing room, and at that moment the men of b52 came back and all bets were off. So i let it go unfixed, then earlier this summer, i got worried that it was going to bust open one day, so i put some masking tape on it. well, this morning, it gave way, i don't know what caused it all of a sudden, but it just broke. and i had to walk to work barefoot. i tried putting masking tape on again, but it came apart. then i used packing tape, same problem. so then i got a paper clip and poked holes on each side of the tear and then covered the paper clip staple with tape. it's holding, but the paper clip bump is rubbing against my foot and that's not good. so now i'm just left wondering "what if." What if, back in the infancy of the tear, what if kate and i had successfully repaired it... would things be different now? would i be somobody else? would my life have direction? most importantly, would i have this annoying irritation on my foot from the paper clip rubbing against it?

jude and i had like a 2+ hour im conversation today. it veered onto music early on and stuck with it for a long ass time, but it all started with jude stumbling across an old note from jenn and playing the "maybe i shoudl keep up with people game." from there we moved on to the age old question about relationships with people, and how, a few years after college we'll be talking to like 2 people from college, if that. I don't know, maybe the two of use are just fatalists. Friend and teacher amy haga said i was a "cynical misanthrope," and i agree. but seriously, how many people in their 3rd year of college are still talking at all with the people they made such great efforts to keep in touch with those first couple of years. and of those who actually are, is any of it worth anything? I say no. When i say that all these great friends i have in college will just be memories a few years down the road, i believe it entirely. maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but i doubt it. i think it's just reality.

ok, i should've been in bed an hour ago.

Found your site through blogspot and wanted to say hi